The Psychological Effects of Online Dating on Young Adults

If you are a young adult who uses dating apps like Tinder or Bumble, you may be wondering what the psychological effects (positive and negative) of online dating are and whether they dating- cause problems. mental health such as depression. and fear.

To explore this topic, we spoke with Alisa Foreman, a licensed marriage and family therapist and chief clinical officer at Optimum Performance Institute in Woodland Hills, California. The Transition Living program works with young adults of all genders who are experiencing a variety of mental health issues, including technology addiction.

After providing therapy to teens, couples, and families, Foreman offered helpful insight into the difference between online and traditional dating, as well as the work required to build a strong relationship in the digital world.

The Positive and Negative Psychological Effects of Online Dating

While there are benefits to connecting with people digitally, there are also negative effects of online dating.These psychological effects can impact your emotional well-being. Therefore, it's good to keep them in mind when thinking about or building relationships in the digital world.

The Positive Psychological Effects

1. It Can Ease Social Anxiety

Foreman said one benefit of online dating is that it helps manage social anxiety in some young adults who feel very overwhelmed socially.

"Online dating can often lead to a more gradual progression of a relationship, starting online and, once the connection is established, gradually moving from texting or emailing to talking on the phone and finally meeting in person," he said. “This slower process can often help ease the fears of someone who is inexperienced or hesitant to engage in the dating process."

2. Matches based on psychological profiles and interests.

online dating can help you easily find someone who is a good match for you and your personality.

"Maybe you meet someone at a restaurant or at work and you don't know if they're available, what they're looking for or what they're interested in," Foreman said. “Some dating apps can connect you with people with similar interests. I think it makes young people feel more comfortable coming into an environment where they know someone is looking for the same things as them."It takes some of the stress out of the process of exploring that and having those challenging conversations."

The Negative Psychological Effects

1. Depression

According to Foreman, there may be a connection between depression and dating apps because you meet people so frequently that You often encounter rejection, which can affect your self-esteem and mood. This rejection includes having a relationship that you thought was going well suddenly end when you stop listening to the other person because you are a "ghost."

"The rejection experienced while dating online can be incredibly painful and damaging to a person's self-esteem and negatively impact their mood," said Foreman.“After an online rejection, someone may ask themselves, ‘What did I do?’ Was it something I said? What did they not like about me?" And then doubts and depression can arise because "I thought this would lead somewhere and this person doesn't reciprocate these feelings." There must be something wrong with me.'"

Foreman said online dating can also lead to a very isolating experience, explaining, "You sit behind the computer for hours searching and swiping around, and I think it creates a feeling of loneliness because you're not interacting." . Face to face and out in the world. This can also affect mood, as one feels a lack of connection with other people and spends more time alone."

2. Anxiety

Just as there may be a connection between depression and dating apps, there could be, according to Foreman one between online dating and anxiety. You can start by creating a profile in an app.Foreman said young adults are asking themselves, "Am I presenting my best self?" Will you like the photo I posted? Is what I wrote meaningful enough?

Once they've set up their profile, Foreman says it can be difficult for young adults to put down their phone because they want to see if they've received a "like" or if someone has "stolen" them. The desire to be liked and accepted by peers, particularly romantically, can cause great anxiety in a young person and have a major impact on their mood and self-esteem.According to Foreman, anxious thoughts that young people may have include: “Will they really show up for the appointment?” Will they really like me if they meet me in person?

3. Dating App Addiction

Given the frequency with which young adults end up checking their phones, which could indicate that they are struggling to balance technology with other parts of their lives, you may be wondering, “ Are dating apps addictive? Dating? Foreman said any form of technology that attracts a person can be addictive. Apps can make young adults addicted to constantly updating their profile or checking to see if someone has responded to them.

“I think it’s easy to fall into that,” Foreman said.“Some young adults stayed up all night using their apps to gain the attention and affection of others.”

Foreman also noted, “Sometimes the process can feel like being on a hamster wheel. You go on the app, meet someone, then it doesn't work and you do it again. It's just this ongoing process that can be hard to stop. In a way, it reflects addiction in chasing the “high” of feeling admired and loved and experiencing the “low” of how it consumes time and energy. You may recognize that it isn't working or is having a negative impact on you, and yet you still find it difficult to walk away and disconnect."

4. Become more impatient

Dating apps can make young adults more impatient, according to Foreman.

"There's a sense of immediate gratification: 'I want to get on this dating app and meet someone right now,' and the real world doesn't always allow that to happen so quickly," he said. “This creates an unreasonable expectation that relationships should happen overnight.“It's not uncommon for people who have met someone on a dating app to run away as soon as a challenge arises. “They want that instant gratification, and when they don't find it, they want to end it.”

5. Difficulties in building personal relationships

A major downside to dating in the digital world is that it can be difficult for you in person to get in touch with people.

“How do you meet people in the real world when you’re so used to doing it behind a dating app?”“The foreman said, “I think it creates a false sense of how we can build relationships by making them a little more planned and formulaic than when we meet people and feel all of that over time.”

6. Problems with developing self-esteem

Foreman noted that another downside to virtual dating is that it focuses heavily on physical appearance. “So there is a need to look a certain way that maintains that separation from your “I and what you really are and the way you present yourself through it creates apps,” he said. .“That can lead to self-esteem issues where you know, ‘That’s not who I am, and yet I’m putting this out there because I think that’s what people want.’”

7. Feeling rejected

As mentioned above, rejection can be a serious problem when building your relationships in the digital world.

"Although you may go on a date and meet someone face-to-face and may experience some rejection, the level of rejection you can experience through these online dating apps can be ten times higher," Foreman said. “You may only go on an in-person date once a week, but with online dating, that experience of rejection can be more constant.”

How to Build a Strong Relationship Through Online Dating

Building a strong relationship through online dating is how it works According to Foreman, it's about knowing what you're looking for and figuring out how to use the apps that will help you get it.“It’s important to know what you value,” he said. “What is important to you that you want someone else to value and recognize? And what do you value in other people?

Ask yourself the right questions.

“Recognize that the app is just a tool to meet a potential partner,” Foreman said. “Then you have to develop the relationship further.Ask yourself, “How do I connect with someone?” How can I reciprocate in a relationship? How do I shape this relationship into my life? Are our goals aligned? Will I be treated the way I want to be treated?'

"Watch for red flags popping up that make you think, 'Oh, that didn't feel right' or 'I didn't like the way they said that.'"

Make an effort to build the relationship.

“Relationships require patience and commitment,” Foreman said. “You have to meet the other person halfway and both parties have to invest enough time and energy to make it work. You want to be there for that person and know that that person is there for you too. You want to listen to them and feel heard by them.You want to ensure that there is honest communication, trust, and the ability to resolve any conflicts or disagreements that may arise.

“Relationships take a lot of work. Whether you meet in person or online, you should still make an effort to maintain it. This is the piece you can't escape. You should also keep in mind that the psychological effects of online dating can be both positive and negative.But if you invest time and effort into someone who is truly right for you, it is possible to have a healthy dating experience with someone you meet online.”